I suppose some form of communication is well overdue, but by the same token, I see it as a bit egotistical to even suggest there’s anyone out there that checks Fitz Phone for updates as a part of their daily internet-browsing routine. That said, if you’re reading, then the writing wasn’t in vain.
This project has been a lot of fun, and surely has given me something to do when I’m full of creative energy. Although, what end has it, or will it achieve? I spent the better part of 2008 on this, and I created 11 episodes. That’s good enough, eh? I can burn them on a dvd and always look back.
When I think about why I started it, I know I was trying to recapture a spirit I had growing up that I somehow had lost in the past 2 or 3 years. A spirit of togetherness with a group of people that were down for any adventure. Nothing suggested was ever too dumb. There was no fear of looking stupid, no fear of saying the wrong thing. Everyone was exactly who they wanted to be, and didn’t second guess their actions. Non-stop positive vibes and laughter.
I think it faded away right around the time I started full-time business management. Everyone’s “obligations” got in the way of enjoying their lives and our group dynamic fell apart. I also had a girlfriend that I lived with. Often times I would think, “So what? Is this just life now? Is this what I’m going to be doing forever? This is okay, but it’s not fulfilling. It’s routine.”
I specifically remember the moment I ended that relationship. After work, mall parking lot, and she had no idea it was coming. I remember trying to explain (among many MANY other things) that I “had an idea for an internet show I wanted to start, but didn’t want to be limited in what I could do or say by having a girlfriend that I lived with” It may be crazy, choosing an idea over a person and I know it made no sense to her, but 2 years later, and 11 episodes in, I think I made my point.
So, that relationship ended and I also realized that, eventually, this line of management work has got to end too. To think that some people do this for 30 or 40 years is outrageous. All you have, your one life, and you give it up to a profit-churning, lifeless corporation and at the top, they don’t even know your name. Do you know why? They don’t NEED to know, because despite how “crucial” to the business you might feel, you’re just a placeholder, a soldier following orders. Store manager #243. Or whatever. A corporation’s life is not reliant on you, and you shouldn’t let your life become reliant on a corporation. I value myself more than that, you should too. Sure, we deal with them when it’s convenient, but it’s a slippery slope, people.
I guess I started this, really, as a distraction from the routine. A place where random phone calls come in and I never know what to expect. What I found is that a lot of people I’ve met on this journey think too much:
“What do I say?” “What YOU want to say”
“I don’t want to sound stupid” “Then don’t”
“When do I call” “Whenever YOU want to”
“Can we talk about ____” “Whatever YOU want to”
“I’m scared…” “Then you’ll never realize your potential”
I didn’t want to give instructions, and I didn’t even factor in that people might be AFRAID to call a phone number. I guess I am driven to weird and random interaction and not a lot of other people are. I also kind of realized that when people are given a blank canvas, they don’t know what to do. Most people must be guided. I guess I learned that a lot of people aren’t like me. Overall, I’m happy with the project, but almost none of that satisfaction comes from the phone calls.
After a while, I got distracted making montages of old high school footage for my friends. Again, still trying to recapture this old spirit. I guess this time it worked. Old friends became new again, plans started to get made, obligations are no longer new and thus, have become more manageable. Even now, I don’t know if there is something special about these specific people, or if familiarity just breeds the comfort to enjoy yourself beyond the social norms that I try to repel. Then I ask myself, does it matter?
When this particular group gets together, it’s almost impossible to get updated on what everyone has been up to since the last time. Sometimes months, sometimes years. If someone even asks what another person has been up to, jokes come out faster than a serious response could. I spent some time thinking about how I just spent a weekend with these people and we never really discussed that stuff. But what is that stuff? It’s everything we wouldn’t be doing if we didn’t have to get money. It’s everything unnatural to us. It’s everything that our get-togethers are not. When I think about what makes up the people I care about, their job is almost never considered. It’s not who they are, or even what they want to do. It’s what they HAVE to do. Our get-togethers are a short diversion, a vacation from the mundane routine. So why bring up what we’re trying to escape? I could tell you about the stuff they’ve done that could put them in jail, or tell you most of their dick sizes, but I couldn’t for the life of me, explain their career paths. Again, does it matter?
The point is, I’m starting to figure out that the less you concern yourself with, the better off you are. Don’t worry about looking dumb, don’t worry about who’s watching, don’t worry about what could happen or what will happen next, etc.
Consider that most girls I know will watch a romantic comedy where a male character strolls up to her in a coffee shop and asks her join him for the rest of the day, doing whatever. I hear these girls say, “Man, I wish a guy would just come up to me like that.” and I can’t help but think of nearly every time I randomly try to interact with a stranger, their attitude is very stand-offish and guarded. Maybe it’s just my personal approuch, but I tend to think it’s just because a general ora of “No” is the easiest, safest, and sadly for some people, the default reaction. Couple this with the fact that most people fill up their day to day with tasks and chores and work. There’s no TIME for adventure.
I’ve actually had people tell me they can’t take a day trip with me on a day off because they HAVE to do laundry. Again, maybe they just don’t like me, but I think it’s something more. Do you HAVE to do laundry TODAY, at THIS moment? Or is laundry just what you were going to fill your time with before something came up? It just seems like everyone is trying to fill their schedule up as full as can be. With that sort of mentality, how could you even be open to a random approach by an interesting stranger? What stories will you tell? These are the people who say “good” or “fine” when I ask how they’re doing.
I don’t want to lock myself into saying there will be no new episodes, but I will say I’m out of ideas, out of calls, and pretty much out of motivation. I want to do something, I just want it to be something different. I want to do a series of social experiments. I have a lot of ideas, but they can’t be done solo. I really want to take advantage of living in a college town, with a huge college campus, that I DON”T go to. I can’t get kicked out. So why don’t I take advantage?
Here’s one idea: I want to set up a table and a chair in a busy part of campus, let’s say Noon on a Tuesday. I want to set up a hidden camera and sit there with headphones in, reading a book so that nobody can interact with me. I want to place a sign on the table that says something like: “At 2:00 I’m going to go back to my apartment and smoke an ungodly amount of weed, if you want to come, be here at 2.” People would walk by and read that sign and I think anyone who played along and came, would already have a lot in common with me. It wouldn’t be exceptionally funny, but I kind of want to see what would happen, if anything. A new experience.
Then I’d like to sit around and watch the footage and analyze people’s reactions with a few other people at the table. Maybe make a website called: Sociology 101 w/ Fitz. Or something like that. The study of people when given a random, strange, opportunity.
That’s one of many different projects I’d love to work on. I’ve just sort of created this website based on one idea: Phone interaction, and I shouldn’t have boxed myself in like that. I guess I’m saying, Fitz Phone is probably done, but Fitz is far from it.
Nothing but love,
Fitz.
